Cookie

Today I got this text from my Girlfriend:

"I found a cookie in my bag. I ate the cookie. It was an old cookie. It was yuck. I still ate it. If I die it's because of the cookie."

Chicken

There is a random chicken that lives around our neighborhood. She walks past our gate sometimes, but we hadn't seen her for a while. We have some pretty rough neighbors and joked that we thought they might have eaten her. 

Yesterday I got this picture and a series of texts from my girlfriend:

"Chicken update: Went home and found her in the garden, neighbors did not eat her after all"

"I actually quite like her I had a wee chat with her"

"I was like 'Hello little chicken, are you lost?' And then I was like 'Holy shit your talking to a chicken'"

Then I get an email with this link:
http://pinterest.com/c14martin/chicken-crazy

I think we're keeping it. 

Bucket List

My Girlfriend and I were sitting on the couch watching TV and an ad came on for a cooking show. It was Nigella and she was making a cheesecake. My girlfriend is a pretty good cook but never got into the more complicated recipes. She has always wanted to make a cheesecake.

Girlfriend: "I need to add that to my bucket list."

Me: "What? Making a cheesecake?"

Girlfriend: "Yeah"

Me: "You really want to add THAT to your bucket list? Aiming a little low aren't you?"

Girlfriend: "I mean, just this year's bucket list."

Me: "What? Oh, right, all the things you want to do before you die at the end of this year?"

Girlfriend looked at me with an expression of genuine confusion.

I'm not sure she gets the concept of a bucket list.

Sausage Sizzle

My girlfriend thinks that a sausage in bread is called a 'sausage sizzle'. I keep trying to tell her that a sausage sizzle is the act of cooking the sausages on a barbeque and then you put the sausage in bread and you have a 'sausage in bread'. 

She thinks I'm ridiculous.

Prostitute

My girlfriend works for a media and advertising company. One of her projects was for a sexual health website and she needed to get several brands of condoms for promotional reasons. After visiting several stores and not being able to find 2 particular brands of condom she was after, she decided to visit the Family Planning Centre. Upon walking into the clinic she could see on the shelf behind the receptionist the items she needed.......

Family Planning Receptionist: "Hi, what can I do for you?"

Girlfriend: "I'd like some of those condoms behind you."

Family Planning Receptionist: "I'm sorry we don't sell those, they are only available for free when you have an appointment." 

Girlfriend: "Well can I please buy some then, I'm desperate. They're for work?"

With a disgusted look on her face, the receptionist threw some at her and advised that next time she should get an appointment.

Slightly confused but satisfied at having achieved her goal, my girlfriend walked out and went back to work. 

It was later pointed out to her by colleagues that the receptionist probably thought she was hooker. 

Nice one.

Draw Something

There is this cool app called Draw Something. It basically works like this - you are given a word and you have only a paintbrush to draw a graphical representation. For example; it gives you 'Horse', you draw a horse, and the person you are playing with has to guess it. If they get it right, you both get a point. 

My girlfriend was really into this app, playing it for hours at a time with friends. One day we were in the car on a long journey and she was telling me about this app that she had forgotten the name of - she knew it started with 'Draw' but couldn't remember the rest. The the following conversation took place:

Girlfriend: "I really love this app, I can't remember what it's called..... Draw?...................................
Something?"

Me: "You mean 'Draw Something'"

Girlfriend: "Yeah, that."

Outstanding.

Reality TV Star

While watching TV, my girlfriend was flicking channels. She came across E! News on E! channel. There was a story about Honey Boo Boo's mother (endearingly named 'Mama June') and sisters ('Pumpkin' and 'Chubbs') and their new reality show. The shorts had Mama June quoted as saying this about her daughter's pregnancy:  

"Where’s her biscuit? It’s called a biscuit ‘cause it looks like a biscuit, ya know, when it opens up and…”

Then my girlfriend says - 

"If I was a reality TV star I would definitely be Honey Boo Boo's mum."

Really? Out of all the famous reality stars (Kim Kardashian?) she could be, she chooses that? Good god.

For more ridiculousness - visit Honey Boo Boo's Facebook page.

Conjoined Twins

My girlfriend is a fan of Abby and Brittany Hensel, conjoined twins from Minnesota, USA. Their reality show just started airing here in New Zealand, and my girlfriend was trying to explain why she liked this show so much to her mother, who isn't a reality show fan, explaining that she was impressed with their attitude to life and how they will try pretty much anything. She then goes on with this gem:

"They're so cute mum, they do everything together."

Yes genius, they are conjoined twins, of course they do everything together.