Flat Key

One of the first times I went to town with my Girlfriend, she lost the key to her flat in town (how? who knows...). 

We didn't know this until we got the bus home at 2am, with her flatmate who had left her key in the locked house (also ridiculous). It was the middle of winter and about -6 degrees. We were poor students at the time and quite drunk, so it seemed like a good idea to head back to town in a taxi to see if we could find the key. This seemed logical at the time, but now seems like we should've just got a taxi to my house, as I was not a ridiculous girlfriend, and still had my house key. Unsurprisingly, we did not find the key amongst the mass of drunk people and loud music of the several clubs/bars we had attended or on the spew covered streets. 

Discontent with the ridiculousness of the situation, we needed to sleep somewhere, so we caught a bus to my house, which we had to wait an hour for. The bus only went within about 2 Ks of our house... so we had to walk... in the freezing, still air of pre-dawn.... in town clothes.  We finally got there at around 4am, suffering from mild hypothermia, severe 'drys', and fatigue from our hike to my house (if you think a 2 K walk is easy, do it drunk in -6 degree weather with town clothes on).

Still unhappy with how stupid the situation had become, the only other person with a key to their flat was another flatmate who was staying at her mums house for the weekend. So the next morning, the 2 girls who still had town clothes/makeup on, and I had to drive there, severely hung over, and took the third flatmate's key to get cut at the hardware store.

We finally made it into my RIDICULOUS girlfriend's flat at 1pm the next day.

Whenever I'm cold or having a bad time out..... I think about that terrible night.

Thoughtless Social Media

Girlfriend had an amazing cake made as a gift for a friend's special occasion. Girlfriend sent a SnapChat, of the cake, to the friend, almost ruining the surprise.

Hint to Girlfriend: Avoid sending pictures of things you intend to surprise people with, to the person you want to surprise. 

Luckily friend's sister saved the day by confiscating friend's phone and removing the SnapChat. 

Cookie

Today I got this text from my Girlfriend:

"I found a cookie in my bag. I ate the cookie. It was an old cookie. It was yuck. I still ate it. If I die it's because of the cookie."

Chicken

There is a random chicken that lives around our neighborhood. She walks past our gate sometimes, but we hadn't seen her for a while. We have some pretty rough neighbors and joked that we thought they might have eaten her. 

Yesterday I got this picture and a series of texts from my girlfriend:

"Chicken update: Went home and found her in the garden, neighbors did not eat her after all"

"I actually quite like her I had a wee chat with her"

"I was like 'Hello little chicken, are you lost?' And then I was like 'Holy shit your talking to a chicken'"

Then I get an email with this link:
http://pinterest.com/c14martin/chicken-crazy

I think we're keeping it. 

Bucket List

My Girlfriend and I were sitting on the couch watching TV and an ad came on for a cooking show. It was Nigella and she was making a cheesecake. My girlfriend is a pretty good cook but never got into the more complicated recipes. She has always wanted to make a cheesecake.

Girlfriend: "I need to add that to my bucket list."

Me: "What? Making a cheesecake?"

Girlfriend: "Yeah"

Me: "You really want to add THAT to your bucket list? Aiming a little low aren't you?"

Girlfriend: "I mean, just this year's bucket list."

Me: "What? Oh, right, all the things you want to do before you die at the end of this year?"

Girlfriend looked at me with an expression of genuine confusion.

I'm not sure she gets the concept of a bucket list.

Sausage Sizzle

My girlfriend thinks that a sausage in bread is called a 'sausage sizzle'. I keep trying to tell her that a sausage sizzle is the act of cooking the sausages on a barbeque and then you put the sausage in bread and you have a 'sausage in bread'. 

She thinks I'm ridiculous.

Prostitute

My girlfriend works for a media and advertising company. One of her projects was for a sexual health website and she needed to get several brands of condoms for promotional reasons. After visiting several stores and not being able to find 2 particular brands of condom she was after, she decided to visit the Family Planning Centre. Upon walking into the clinic she could see on the shelf behind the receptionist the items she needed.......

Family Planning Receptionist: "Hi, what can I do for you?"

Girlfriend: "I'd like some of those condoms behind you."

Family Planning Receptionist: "I'm sorry we don't sell those, they are only available for free when you have an appointment." 

Girlfriend: "Well can I please buy some then, I'm desperate. They're for work?"

With a disgusted look on her face, the receptionist threw some at her and advised that next time she should get an appointment.

Slightly confused but satisfied at having achieved her goal, my girlfriend walked out and went back to work. 

It was later pointed out to her by colleagues that the receptionist probably thought she was hooker. 

Nice one.